| Dear NUComment, My first Dillo Day turned out to be quite a memorable one. After hanging out on the Lakefill all day, my boyfriend told me he wanted to have sex. Being a virgin and all, I reluctantly debated the pros and cons and asked for some convincing. He did a pretty good job of getting me ready, but by the time we made it back to the dorm he was passed out from all the drinking. So I found his best friend in the hallway and slept with him instead. Should my boyfriend be mad at me? After all, it was his idea. Sincerely,
Freshman Fran Dear Freshman Fran, He has no right, girlfriend. That creep tried to take advantage of you on the holiest of holy days. You did the right thing by trying to teach him a lesson in sexual aggressiveness. If you liked it, give me a call this weekend. Dear NUComment: I'm a senior and this Dillo Day was so painful for me, knowing it was my last one and all. I hate to be the sentimental one, but I'm really going to miss all the fun times I had here at NU. To celebrate my last, we all took four shots every hour, one for every year we've been here. Was this a good idea, considering I ended up naked behind Annie May Swift? Sincerely,
Nude Nancy Dear Nude Nancy, No, you're a dumbass. In fact, people like you who cry at every goddam function saying "this is my last blah blah blah," should be clubbed and dragged to Navy Pier and thrown off the Ferris Wheel. Good riddance to you and your sensitive crowd. Good luck finding a job, too. Dear NUComment, We ate some mushrooms on Saturday and man did we get fucked up. At one point, we were walking around and we saw this guy, and he had this really funny shirt on, and I was like, "Hey, Bill, you see that guy's shirt?" He didn't see it, but it was funny as shit, dude, I swear. But the funniest thing was the 8-foot man, like 8-feet, 500 pounds, just walking around like nothing's going on with his height and shit. Did you see him? Sincerely,
Boomin' Bruce Dear Boomin' Bruce, Can't say that I did. Can't say that I completely understood you either. Lay off the pipe, man, sounds like a serious chemical imbalance is in the works. Remember, regeneration only applies to crab arms, not brain cells. Want to submit your own Dillo Day letter? Well, good luck trying to find out where to send it. |
