Dear Readers:

Perhaps we're just lazy. Perhaps we're just understaffed. Perhaps Phishtour or Yankee playoff games kept us busy. Regardless, we wanted to get thefirst issue out a few weeks ago. Obviously, we didn't. You know what,perhaps it's the four episodes of Law and Order every day, starring lovableNU alum Jerry Orbach. Any way you slice it, we're up and running now, sopiss off...

What year are we in? Our football team has signs of post-season life, needing one more win for bowl eligibility. Who let the Cats out? Let's hope Damien and the Boys can keep it on track so one day, even if I have graduated already, the College Gameday crew comes to this dry town. Can't you imagine the girls all over Kirk?

One more thing, welcome to our school Bill Carmody. Finally, someone hadthe courage to fight back, stand up and bring the back-door offense toNorthwestern.

Remember to check us out every three weeks, unless they bring Newsradioback into syndication, in which case, give us a few months.

In this issue:

With Election 2000 coverage constantly annoying the hell out of us, why nottake this opportunity to visit some smaller-scale politics.

I sat down to pick President Bienen's brain on a wide variety oftime-wasting issues, like house temperatures and Olympic medals. When Ifinished with him, I had the same questions for his niece, Katie. See whatthey had to say to a foolish reporter.

Restaurant owner Eric Singer wants some changes 'round these parts. Whenthe filing opens in December, he plans to run for mayor, in the hopes ofbringing some life to this town. Can an outsider capture the reins?

The popular rock band Phish swept through Chicago a few weeks back, leavingbehind all sorts of security-confiscated goodies. Our David Feder, residentgroupie, takes a look at the moments that made the weekend so special.

Where have quarterbacks Gavin Hoffman and Nick Kreinbrink gone? We wantedto know too, so we sent intramural football legend Michael Berger to trackdown these old Barnett signal-callers. By the way, nice start Gary, 1-6 now?

And remember to get lost inside...you can click out any time you like, butyou can never leave.

Sincerely,

Slade Sohmer
Lifelong Putz