By Rowdy Roddy Piper

Well for fucks sake lads, Willy Bailey has made himself into a hunger striker. The slippy wee taig has put himself in group with the likes of Bobby Sands, a IRA man who starved himself to death, and my personal bleedin' savior Mohandas K. Fuckin Ghandi. Ah dunnee think he's like even thought ah the implications of his actions.

gone: happy, you pompous ass? right: Willy Bailey in Springfield

The feckin' ludrimon even has his fist up in the air like another hero ah mine, Bobby Seals. And he's named Willy, like another favorite William Bailey a.k.a Axl Rose.

Well oul' Willy has reckoned it's a cause worth dyin' fer if he refuses to eat the grub at Allison Hall. But all the Allison live-ins thought he was either hi-larious or he was a cheeky bollocks. I don't blame Willy either for feckin' tryin' tah starve his wee hairy frame.

If I was subjected to SAGA again I would shite mah-self. And to add a wee bit more insult to SAGA, anytime I sat on the bog to let out a brown trout the world knew it was a SAGA shite.

However, ah have to say that all this shite is an exercise in futility. The wee cunt raises his hairy feckin' fist in the air like he was in Iwo feckin' Jima. And he seems ta think this will resonate with Henry himself.

As mah mate from East London said, "That dozy prick couldn't organize a piss up in a brewery." As soon as our Willy opened his north [mouth] any geezer [student] saw the barmybastard roller blading around like the wee git he is.

Now if any doss cunt with a bit of brains knew the real Willy story, they wouldaknown the oul' bollocks was eatin' his way via protein shakes. Hunger strike mahfoot! Don't get me wrong, no weekend food in Allison Hall is a shame. But there'sother things a wee gasson like Willy could be doing with a hunger strike. Likeprotesting the fact that all the wee lassies I've been shaggin' in the lastcouple of weeks have faces on them like a horses eatin' thistles. Do ya ken? Fuckif ah was gonne hunger strike, ah woulda stopped eatin' after Celtic sold MoJohnston to those Hun bastards Rangers.

All in all, what the fuck are ya gonne do?