Editor Slade Sohmer recently annoyed the hell out of First Niece Katie Bienen for a waste-of-time interview. Here's what went down over the telephone:

When you call President Bienen at home, what do you refer to him as?
Uncle Hank.

I got some favorites from your uncle and wanted to get some answers from you tosee if they matched up. Here we go...

Favorite sports team: I'd have to say the Yankees because of the Subway Seriesgoing on. I also have an affinity for the University of Tennessee football team.

Favorite movie: Delirious, Eddie Murphy's stand-up.

Favorite television show: Definitely 90210, oh, but that'snot on anymore. Currently, Behind the Music. Really, what's your favorite one? Idon't know. Say Fleetwood Mac.

Favorite Disney character: Donald Duck. Donald, isn't he a Warner Brothers character? No, shows how much you know about Disney.

Favorite recording artist: Probably Van Morrison or Led Zeppelin. What did myuncle say? He gave me this long politician's answer, but then he actually saidthat he liked Bob Dylan. Oh, I was going to say Bob Dylan, change my answer.

I've got some word associations for you, too.

Dog: Are you serious? Yes. Dog: Shit. I can't say that, so Sheba. That's my dog. Later we found out that it meantshit in Korean. So shit either way?

ASG: Humann

Bienen: Which one? [ed. note,that was followed by a funny story that is too tough to paraphrase and justwouldn't be funny to you, but it was funny.]

Regis: Philbin. What did my unclesay? I didn't give him that one but I was just watching Millionaire so I thoughtI would see how you felt about him.

Some quick fill-in-the-blanks for ya...

When I was a kid, I dreamed ofbecoming... A veterinarian. Actually I dreamed of becoming Debbie Gibson. LongIsland's own, but she goes by Deborah Gibson now. I know, and she's on Broadway.Weird. Strange.

My happy place is... New York City.

I get upset when... Myteams lose.

Knock three times on the ceiling... If you want me!Thank you verymuch -- [Henry] didn't get that at all. I'm the best Bienen. [ed. note: she didn't callherself the best Bienen, I added that to start family squabbles.]

Who do you like in the Presidential race?
I'd rather have Gore win because Ithink that he hasn't been given the credit he deserves. He seems like a veryintelligent man.

If you could win an Olympic medal, what sport would it be in?
My uncle probablysaid squash or tennis, right? Actually, he said both of them. He said tennis,only because squash wasn't a medal sport. That's crazy you knew that. I know him.Anyway, soccer. Women's soccer. I'd hope.

Did you watch the Olympics?
Not much.

Well, they introduced trampolining as amedal sport this year.
Are you serious? Diana, did you hear they havetrampolining in the Olympics now? Diana: No.

Well, do you think it should be a realmedal sport or is it a joke?
That's not a real sport. It's like that stupiddancing they do with the balls and shit. Huh? With the ribbons and the batons.Katie, I have no idea what you're talking about. It's like gymnastics except itdoesn't use the whole floor. Tumbling? No. Does anybody know the name? Becky: Rhythmicgymnastics. Right, rhythmic gymnastics. That's not a medal sport.

Do you know that transportation center on the corner of Foster and Sheridan?
No Idon't, why?

Well, I asked your uncle what it did and he asked me why, so I toldhim I had no clue what they did, or any other person for that matter. Do you?
No.So you proved my point.

What do you think of the winter? Are we expecting a freezing winter, predictions?
It's gonna be cold. We were lucky last year and the year before too, I'm told.

Do you think the Wildcats are going to The Rose Bowl?
Obviously. In reality, no,but if I'm gonna be patriotic, I'll say yes. [designer note: Patriotic?]

Thanks, Katie, you're a good sport.