The NU athletic department is on the prowl for a new athletic apparel sponsor as its 5-year contract with adidas nears its June expiration date. NU Director of Athletics Rick Taylor said adidas is unlikely to extend the contract due to the recent economic downturn, although the company just collected enough change to offer the University of Wisconsin an $8.3-million deal. While Taylor fantasized about the prospects of luring fat-cat Nike into the deal – “There is nobody else in the business now besides Nike,” he said – the Wildcats’ only realistic option is to raid the inventory of failed sportswear giant L.A. Gear. A former Gear exec reportedly called NU and offered to “hook the ‘Cats up with a warehouse chock full of those recalled blinkers at a pro-rate price.” According to an athletic department source, Taylor has expressed interest in the blinkers, but won’t sign any deal that doesn’t include the rights to Paula Abdul.

Image, reputation deflate with rise of Air Willie

NU’s new inflatable mascot, “Air Willie”, made his debut on the sidelines of Nov. 10’s blowout loss to Iowa. The 9-foot tall plastic creature, apparently on loan from the ring-toss prize bin at Six Flags, somehow managed to look more silly and pathetic than the original Looney Tune Willie. Its goofy look and general lack of mobility directly inspired the ‘Cats’ 59-16 defeat. We almost left at halftime to buy a blowgun, but went home to sulk instead.

B-list celebs Focus on, well, nothing

The Ford Focus-sponsored “What’s Your Focus Forum” brought the likes of comedian Jay Mohr, MTV veejay David Holmes and Live frontman Ed Kowalczyk to Tech Auditorium on Nov. 8 to discuss fame and alternative careers. The lure of low-grade celebrities – a cast of characters dodgy as the car they endorsed – only managed to coax 200 people into attendance. But the concept of a traveling corporate/celebrity circus hasn’t lost its appeal with other auto makers, as a multitude of “college forums” are now in the works: Geo Metro has inked contracts with Webster, Dorf and Tinker Toys; Chevy Avalanche has RuPaul, Jose Oquendo and Optimus Prime on board; and finally, Pontiac Aztek has signed up Frankenstein, Tyrone Hill, and that fat gay guy from Survivor 1.

No walk in the PARC for NU pothead

An unsuspecting NU freshman was arrested on Nov. 9 for possessing 403 grams of cannabis in his PARC dorm room – just about two ounces shy of a full pound. The student, perhaps stunned that his PARC R.A. could recognize the smell of marijuana, permitted University Police to search his room and was subsequently charged with felony possession. The new felon declined comment on his charge, but an anonymous neighbor was happy to discuss the matter: “Man, I was stoked to nab those first two O’s before the shakedown. The Bossman got that shipment in on Wednesday, and, swear to God, I think it filled an entire trash can!”

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