Seemingly struggling to find its real identity, BGALA has changed its name for the fourth time in the history of the organization. Originally the Gay Liberation Front, then the Gay And Lesbian Alliance, then the Bisexual, Gay And Lesbian Alliance, and now, the slimmed-down, more colorful Rainbow Alliance. The new name, announced on Dec. 6, was reportedly the result of a search to find a more friendly, all-inclusive title for the student group. "No matter how many different words we include in an acronym, some would always get left out," BGALA President Laura Blacksher said. However, new details surrounding the change revealed it was less than voluntary. After a speech at the Unversity on Jan. 22, former Clinton administration spokesman Paul Begala confirmed what so many had speculated: That he had been "real pissed" about those kids mocking his name since the early '90s. "I figured I could strong-arm them into a switch before I showed up at NU," Begala said, "I just never thought it would be that easy to pawn it off on Jesse. … He, he … Just wait 'til Jackson catches the whole Rainbow Alliance/Rainbow Coalition similarity … He's gonna shit a brick!"

Zak's Last Dance with the NFL

Despite the fact that Napoleon Harris and Kevin Bentley are the focus of most NFL Draft-related attention at NU, quarterback Zak Kustok appears unwilling to let his own professional dreams die. Kustok, along with offensive lineman Leon Brockmeier, played in the fourth annual Rotary Gridiron Classic on Jan. 26, a second-tier college all-star game pitting seniors with Florida ties against seniors from the other 49 states. Brockmeier, a Florida native, played against Kustok, who started at quarterback for the U.S. team that eventually lost, 42-13. The draft stock of NU's MVP was hurt after he was intercepted twice – albeit once on a tipped ball – by Western Kentucky's Mel Mitchell III. With only one all-star game left (the Hula Bowl on Feb. 2) to hype himself as a pro-caliber QB, Kustok reportedly has an emergency plan: Lobbying game organizers to fill the opposing squad with NU's senior defensive backs and safeties. That, or just screw the whole football gig, get The Zak Attack back together and see if Casem can put "Friends Forever" back in the Top 40.

Five-Finger Discount at Norris

On Jan. 7, an unidentified NU senior was caught stealing more than $300 worth of books from the Norris Bookstore. The undercover cop who made the bust also discovered a small amount of marijuana in the shoplifter's pants, a double whammy of sorts. The charged student was less apologetic than he was upset: "I should've spotted that private dick from like, a mile away," he said. "I think I remember snickering when I saw a fat old guy browsing soc' books, all decked out in headphones, purple Zubaz pants and a Damien jersey I had seen on the clearance rack. And then that's the cocksucker who cuffs me." So wait a second here. Do you think people are actually stealing stuff from Norris on a regular basis? What if people were stealing sushi from Willie's like, right now? I bet a chicken sandwich could fit in my jacket pocket. But what if I wanted to put some A1 on it? I could probably hop the turnstile and slip out through the smoking section … everyone there always looks so shady anyway.

Hey, You're Not Allowed to Rent Here Anymore!

Senior Michael Cruz and '01 graduate Jake Brick are proposing to open a video rental store in Norris, in a coat closet near the student center's south entrance. They plan to offer a limited number of VHS cassettes and DVDs in a venture that Joe Mroczkowski, Norris' associate director, fully supports. "To me, one of the biggest strengths of the new proposal is to make a student-run business service to benefit students — it's one of the many reasons why Norris exists," he said. NU President Henry Bienen also backed the proposal, possibly in hopes that the ugly, concrete eyesore would be suddenly transformed by two kids renting DVDs off of a rusty coat rack in the corner. "This is an Ivy League-caliber amenity," Bienen reportedly said. "Ohmigod, we can stock all of Hollywood's Ivy League hits: 'Good Will Hunting', 'A Beautiful Mind', 'With Honors', and that Method Man-Redman flick, 'How High', I believe it was called. When the U.S. News and World Report staffers see this, we very well may be right up there with the 'vard and Princeton, my 'ol alma mater. Or was that Cornell? Oh, I know, I went to both."

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