by Luke Winn

The Guenther family pulls a keeper out of Wind Lake. - photo by David Bartholow

Wind Lake, Wis.-
A lone man sitting on a 10-gallon bucket, staring down into a nine-inch hole in the ice with a miniature rod in his hands, that's one definition of ice fishing. Four or five men sitting around similar holes, this time inside a small, heated shack – complete with chairs, beds, television and a requisite cache of cheap Wisconsin beer – also is considered ice fishing. Men watching flagged holes for "hits" with a pair of binoculars from the confines of their lake-side homes, well, this too pathetically qualifies as ice fishing.

The sport, although simple in nature, warrants some explanation. My companion on the trip, as he explains, is a native Texan, and his cold-weather naivété was the inspiration for this five-step piece.

1. Although the exact date depends on weather conditions, most of Wisconsin's small lakes will freeze over each winter, thick enough to walk safely around, and drive ATVs, snomobiles and the occasional car out onto the ice. Word of the wise: Never take your car on the ice unless you see that at least five other fishermen have done the same. There are people who make a living towing idiots' cars out of lakes in the winter.

Scott Grams installs a tip-up on Wind Lake. - photo by Luke Winn

2. You need a license to fish. A weekend pass for a non-resident costs $15, and can be ordered online. You can get in trouble for simply touching someone's pole without a license … I'm serious. The Department of Natural Resources regulates all this and employs "nature cops" to enforce the rules, which include a limit of three holes (or poles) per person, daily bag limits and minimum and maximum lengths for "keepers" (fish you can take home). For example, on Wind Lake, where Northern Pike is the fish of choice, you can only "bag" two per day, and they need to be at least 26 inches long – otherwise they're required to go back in the hole.

3. Holes aren't made with an icepick or a strong boot – they're cut out with something called an auger, and the maximum size for a hole is 12 inches in diameter. More holes mean more chances for fish, so most fisherman drill the maximum three and set up contraptions called "tip-ups" on each hole. Tip-ups actually do the fishing for you – they're miniature poles on flat boards that flip a flag up into the air when there's a bite. … Leaving your hands and attention free for things like sitting, smoking cigarettes and holding a beer. Tip: Drill an extra three holes for each small child you bring out on the ice.

PBRing myself, on Wind Lake. - photo by David Bartholow

4. One fisherman told me ice fishing gave him the thrill of "walking on water," but the more appropriate term seems to be "taking up residence on water." Bucket-seated ice-fishermen are the minority, while most parties choose to haul out shelters called "shanties" on sleds behind an ATV. Shanties range greatly in size and quality, from wooden, permanent structures to squarish tents, but they all provide refuge from wind and cold. Amenities vary from shanty to shanty; sometimes, just holes in the floor, seats, a propane heater and a case of beer; other times, beds, television, an outdoor grill and even a liquor cabinet.

5. If you're actually interested in doing all this, ice fishing isn't a cheap sport. While bait (mostly minnows, wax worms and smelt) is cheap, and good tip-ups cost only $30 apiece, a decent, collapsible shanty with a propane heater and lantern will likely cost at least $500. A decent power auger – for clean, quick hole drilling – will tack $300 more onto your bill. The ATV is optional, and unnecessary if you're willing to pull your equipment out like a sled dog. And if your cold tolerance is high and your ass is comfortable on a bucket, you could brave it and skip the shanty altogether. …

You'd just have to find a way to keep your case of Pabst Blue Ribbon from freezing.

Luke Winn didn't just do that. You can reach him at l-winn@northwestern.edu.

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