The Nevin's Bunnies

Thank Playboy.com for making NU and Evanston publicly impressionable. In the site's latest edition of "college bar of the month," none other than Nevin's Pub was the featured establishment.

The, um, well-deserved blurb, written by NU grad Antonia Simigis, included such lines as:
"Throngs of sexy sorority girls from the nearby quad head down for cocktails after Monday night chapter, but on any given night you might find Northwestern's fashionably-clad theater majors, ultra-hip DJs from the campus radio station and Evanston townies all chilling over brews together."

We went to Nevin's, too. We just got back from Nevin's. Where were the sorority girls? Did chapter run late? Are we blind? Wait, are hairy dart-tossers fashionably-clad theater majors? Is that weird Chinese guy – smoking, staring, legs crossed – actually an ultra-hip campus DJ? Would we even talk to a townie?

It's this kind of conspicuous publicity that's symptomatic of the fact that there are WAY too many proud NU alums in the media. How else would the football team have garnered a No. 12 spot in the preseason polls? Why else would music prof Gary Kendall always be the first one interviewed when the latest Beatle gossip hits the wires? NU's media pros don't earn enough to make gargantuan monetary contributions – instead they give back, and keep giving back with their insider propaganda.

Fi, Figh, Fo, Feinberg School of ....

In February, NU received a $75 million Valentine's gift from a Chicago-area banker's foundation. In return, they renamed a school after him.

Ruben Feinberg's foundation, whose sum contributions to NU during the last 13 years have totaled $103 million, was rewarded with the Feinberg Medical School for its most recent exorbitant donation.

As the administration has planned, behind our backs, the renaming will help concoct an interschool rhyme scheme that will loosely connect the names of schools and buildings in the form of an 18th century lyrical ballad. Feinberg, Weinberg, Feinberg, Weinberg … Something naughty about the relations between the various 'bergs, our sources tell us.

When I grow up, can I buy an engineering school?

We were never much into dancing, anyway

Their hopes of an NCAA Tournament berth were long gone. A 16-13 record, however, had the NU men's basketball team sitting on what seemed like a guaranteed berth in the second-tier NIT.

Late Sunday night, the 'Cats found out otherwise. Four straight losses to end their season, including a truly embarrassing 21-point defeat at the hands of lowly Michigan, made NU less appealing than the likes of 14-14 Arizona State and 16-14 Vanderbilt to NIT bracketeers. Missing out on the "Big Dance" is expected each year at NU, but to finally qualify for the NIT – the NIT, mind you – and then get turned away… it was like waiting in a long, long line to get into a shitty Western Avenue bar, finally getting in, and then getting bitch-slapped by the ugliest, fattest girl there and getting thrown out in the process.

The NIT Selection Show, which announced the pairings live, late-night on SportsChannel, had its cameras trained on the thousands of purple-clad NU faithful gathered at Norris to cheer their cats into the Little Dance. But NU's name was never called … and we were kidding. No was ever there. Just three smokers, scattered nerds slouched over science textbooks and members of Melodius Thunk, all oblivious to the breaking basketball news. And all the basketball games that happened this year. Maybe that's why we didn’t get in...

Potion flattens, Wildkit huffers run loose

After three years of barely-recognizable existence at 910 Noyes St., the Potion Liquid Lounge shut its doors on Feb. 13 due to high rent and low-rent clientele. The establishment, less a hangout and more a late-night cigarette vendor to the average NU student, caught on amongst ETHS rebels who enjoyed a juice with their smoke. But with a $2,500-a-month rent and its couches rarely full, the joint just couldn't stand a chance.

Owner Jason Choe, a 23-year-old entrepreneur, likened the sudden operation cease-fire to a "dream killer." Tired of dealing with noise complaints from local neighbors and businesses, Choe's frustration finally forced him to squeeze his last orange, smoke his last butt. We respect hard workers here, but it sounds like someone couldn't handle the mustard, almost as if the little engine that could finally gave up.

Now where can shady ETHS minors share their illegal squares? Should they huddle under the Noyes Street 'L' stop? Or sit outside of D&D Dogs? Swarms of nic-fitting teens are on the prowl for new, oblivious tobacco retailers. Choe says the only thing he regrets is caving in and unleashing the fiending townies.

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