by Slade Sohmer

Reality shows have taken over the airwaves and, not surprisingly, it's CBS that holds boss trump. But it's not "Survivor" and it ain't "The Amazing Race." For the umpteenth year in a row, the NCAA Basketball Tournament – from the Selection Show to "One Shining Moment" – will showcase the most drama-filled reality on television. Jeff Probst can't hold Jim Nantz's jock.

Absolutely nothing beats March Madness, the 18 days a year where the impossible always happens. Just how many times on the road to the Final Four have we seen a dynastic Goliath blow a tire, or a bi-directional David like NE Southwestern State kick in the nitrous boosters? These jam-packed two weeks provide us with truly heroic tales of small-town boys playing big-time games, where we witness the pain and anguish of heralded blue-chippers shrinking in the tourney's bright spotlight. What does "Survivor" bring to the table, Mike's melted hands and rice-induced pooh?

The images never fade. Try Michael Jordan in '82, Jimmy V running for hugs, Keith Smart at the buzzer, Rumeal Robinson's free throws, Tate George, Richmond shocking the Orange, Duke chopping down undefeated UNLV, Hill to Laettner aaand good, Santa Clara upsetting 'Zona, Webber's T.O., Razors' 40 minutes of Hell, Tyus Edny coast-to-coast, Miles Simon from 75 feet, Bryce Drew, Wally World's 43, U Conn stopping Duke at 32 straight, Gonzaga (again), and Tom-to-the-Izzo's Flint-stones.

So with the past behind us but bound to repeat itself, I offer you my no-way-these'll-actually-happen predictions for the 2002 tourney. Although my past efforts as a soothsayer of sport have failed miserably (see Western U. Dolphins going all the way under the tutelage of Coach Pete Bell prophecy), I think you all can lay down some hard-earned cash based on these Sohmeriffic gems…

The Next Gonzaga Bulldogs
Mark Few's Zags should be fuming after receiving a six seed; regardless, they've won too often in March to ever wear Cinderella's slipper again. So it's time to pick the next sleeper squad to make more waves than a Shawn Kemp cannonball. This year, look out for the Kent State Golden Flashes out of the 10-spot in the South to take down No. 7 Oklahoma State and No. 2 Alabama.

Led by senior guard Trevor Huffman and sophomore swingman Antonio Gates, Kent State posted a 27-5 record, captured the Mid-American Conference title, and showed Flashes of brilliance in last year's tourney victory over Indiana. Along with No. 12 Tulsa and No. 10 Pepperdine, look for Kent State to be dancing in the Sweet Sixteen. (Also, look for Deshawn Stevenson and R. Kelly to be dancing at a Sweet Sixteen, looking for cutie high school chicks to deflower.)

First Number One to Drop
The smart money this year is on the Cincinnati Bearcats, who probably should have been the odd-team out and number two seed. But the committee made them top dogs of the West, a bracket loaded with conference champions like Oklahoma, Arizona, Ohio State and Gonzaga. The Thug Life 'Cats roll up into this bitch riding Wooden Award candidate Steve Logan's coattails and playing hands-down the best defense in the country. Their easy regular season schedule left them severely untested, though, and that will hurt in this packed region. It'll be an early exit for Bob Huggins, who will be sweating more than Glenn Robinson taking the SATs.

Best First-Round Matchup
Out of 32 opening-round games in this Era of Parity, at least half will come down to the last few minutes. All four No. 7/No. 10 games should be barnburners, while the No. 8/No. 9 games never fail to disappoint. But the first-rounder with the most potential will be Thursday in St. Louis, where the No. 8 Stanford Cardinal meet the ninth-seeded Western Kentucky Hilltoppers.

The 29-3 'Toppers feature NBA prospect Chris Marcus, a D'Meathook Hill-sized center who can carry a team on his enormous back. It'll be Curtis Borchardt's job to keep the big man out of the Cardinal paint, and Casey Jacobsen's duty to bury the three-pointers. Put your money on the smart guys from Stanford to squeak one out against a team from Ken-tuck-eeee.

Sleeper Team Breakout Player
Every once and again, a great player from a small school makes a serious name for himself. And much like Santa Clara's Pete Eisenrich in 1993 and Weber State's Harold Arceneaux in '99, this year's crop of up-and-comers will no doubt take this opportunity to shine. In fact, this version of the dance may have so many coming-out parties you'd think the first and second rounds were being held at The Blue Oyster.

Two debutantes at this year's ball will pull off the Casey Cavalry Special. The first is Pepperdine forward Jimmy Miggins, the Waves' leading scorer and rebounder. The other breakout will be junior forward Kyle Korver, the Creighton Blue Jays' leader in points, rebounds, and assists. If the Jays want to be dancing when the field is cut down to a fourth of its original size, they're going to need a big performance from Korver. Well, it's either him or former NU Mildcat Brody Deren! What the deuce, where did this friggin' guy come from?

Rooting for the Serious 'Dawg
Is there anything better than rooting for such an underdog that you can't name a single player on the team? Last year when No. 15 Hampton knocked off Iowa State, I swear every play from the Pirates' offense seemed to go through Hampton Hamptonstein or Hampty McHampton. This year's prospect is McNeese State out of the Southland Conference, led by center Neesy McNeeseberg and point guard Mickey Neesestate.

Obligatory No. 13 Seed Advancing
Former Michigan head coach Steve Fisher takes his act back to the Big Ten, matching up against the Fighting Illini in the first round with new team San Diego State in tow. And it'll be Stevie's turn in the Advancing No. 13s Theory. Call it luck, call it Shirley, it just always seems to happen.

In awards given out earlier tonight, Maryland's Chris Wilcox picked up the Kenyon Martin Most Violent Dunker Award; Missouri's Wesley Stokes took home the Moochie Norris 'Fro Trophy; and, the winner of the Best State Game was California/Pennsylvania.

Final Four Prediction
Well, there's nothing left to do but pick the winners. And what kind of cutting-edge oracle would I be if I gave you all top seeds? So here are my picks, take 'em or leave 'em:

East: No. 1 Maryland over No. 10 Michigan State
Game MVP: Byron Mouton

Midwest: No. 5 Florida over No. 2 Oregon
Game MVP: Matt Bonner

South: No. 4 USC over No. 3 Pittsburgh
Game MVP: Sam Clancy

West: No. 2 Oklahoma over No. 4 Ohio State
Game MVP: Hollis Price

Maryland destroys Florida, Oklahoma does the same to USC, setting up a rematch of Maryland's Dec. 21 drubbing by the Sooners in Norman. The Terps get revenge, though, and cut down the nets or do the Hora, or whatever they do down in College Park.

Slade Sohmer looks like a 15-year-old Jay Bilas. He can be reached at sladeny@yahoo.com.

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