| RES. COLLEGE WUNDERKINDS
Two years removed from dorm living, fools still be cappin’ on residential colleges, as if they’re secretly jealous of those who opted not to take the common man’s north campus route. They're espousing ignorantly of something of which they know nothing. The Bobbies convinced themselves that NU still possessed “you know, that state school feel,” while resident wunderkinds of the scattered residential colleges reveled in their closed-community atmospheres with absurd eagerness.
Res. college lore is rife with tall tales of mythical characters who achieved greatness during their brief, but legendary inhabitance at whichever dorm. For instance, in arts-equipped Jones (where it used to be said “Jones Jones Jones is gay gay gay”) a figurehead known only as “Gary” managed to conquer an entire third floor wing one year, converting his quarters into something reminiscent of a Roman bathhouse.
Housing points are big in Willard, and I mean big. A current senior remains in his sophomore year single, having accumulated the most overall privilege points in the history of the dorm. Inevitably, he will make the Willard canon, and only grow in status as his tale turns into an allegory to be retold for generations to come. He says he’s sad he won’t make next year’s Francis Willard “bash” because, “I don’t care what you say, the fucker always held its water year after year. I only wish I could have held my liquor.”
And bless their little hearts, because these wunderkinds truly love what they do. Club presidents, Women’s Co liaisons, Thursday Daily Nyou A&E editors. No, there’s more. They’re all there – students teaching theater classes in obscure Italian dramatic disciplines, SASA homeboys, Asian Christians, good kids, great friends, tools. More often than not, a res. collegiate can claim to know someone like, say, an oboist who doubles as a dance major, speaks three languages (two romance, and the requisite Arabic tongue), thinks he or she’s bi, cooks professionally, and somehow rocks it real hard on the hacky sack. Hella talented fools. Crazy, like, unique fools.
Without fail, some wunderkinds linger as res. college upperclassmen – the quiet goth who deemed friends worthless in the beginning; the quirky, yet cool card-carrying enthusiast, the dorm’s Dalai Lama. The former, wallowing in his all black “lair,” usually likes the Internet shoot-‘em-up games just a little too much. The latter – the un-elected leaders – truly value their res. college cause, even if there isn’t one. They seek to isolate no one and embrace all. And to be honest, goggle-eyed glasses and all, they’re obviously far more admirable players than, say, vein male sluts suffering hair loss and a declining self-image. Fool don’t even have to try, 'cause, like, it ain’t no game, like.
- David Bartholow | At 2/8/03 7:41 AM, | | wrote: | |
| At 1/11/03 1:48 PM, | | wrote: | |
| At 8/7/02 5:55 AM, | | wrote: | |
| At 7/30/02 9:44 PM, | | wrote: | |
| At 7/2/02 12:11 PM, | | wrote: | |
| At 6/11/02 10:11 AM, | | wrote: | |
| At 5/14/02 8:16 AM, | | wrote: | |
| At 3/15/02 2:34 PM, | | Dean Hanlon (d-hanlon2@northwestern.edu) wrote: | | Good analysis, some faults. B+. categories missing: (which perhaps should have replace some of your current stereotypes)
1. Something regarding sorority girls. Perhaps the type that self-righteously shunned the "cool" houses (or was dropped) so that, in reality, she might be "cool" elsewhere. This could be called the Big Fish in a Small Pond. That might be a little harsh. 2. The overachieving leaders of NU were completely ignored, and trust me you'll here it from one of them who feels underrecognized or is pissed that you didn't go through the appropriate channels and put the new nucomment.com release date on Plan-it Purple. This is the NU student who spent their entire high school career dreaming of their adventures at Ivy League school X . . . or Duke . . . and was rejected. So they spend their four years here trying to prove to themselves and everyone else that they should have gone to Ivy League school X. This is done by clawing for control of everything, including social groups and professors, as well as starting many unnecessary student groups and then complaining about how 'over-programmed' the NU campus is (mainly because about 7 people showed up to their $10,000 speaker event last week, five of which were from the Daily). Otherwise, all that I would suggest is that you rip that damn thesaurus out of David Bartholow's icy clutches and show him how to make better use of it by hitting him over the head with it a few times. Yup, dean oh, and I liked what that guy said about the athlete stereotype.
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