| | Bored in the sack? Are you and your partner stuck in your horizontal ways? Some may tell you that switching it up from missionary to doggie-style will do wonders for your sexual gratification. And perhaps this is true. But we suggest you take that extra plunge out of your comfort zone once in a while and introduce a little novelty to your sex life. In other words, pick up the props. We’re talkin’ everything from the crazy contraptions you see plastered on the pages of Playboy to the basic everyday items in your refrigerator. So, to get you started on your journey, we have put together a list of prop possibilities and ranked them in terms of sexual audacity and pleasure potential. Now, some of you who have dabbled in the prop world may find some of this to be basic. But we are simply here to refresh your sexually jaded memories, hopefully add a couple new sparks, and pretty much lay it on the table (like we do best) with our opinions about each one. Without further ado, here goes: The Ranking System:
Audacity
 A dude in a coma could pull this off
Your parents might be doing this right now
Now, we’re talking
Holy shit, we haven’t even tried this Pleasure potential
 Probably not going to change your world
Hit or miss
Feelin’ Good
Once you start....yeah.... Porn Some people get all riled up seeing other naked (and usually ugly) couples fuck the shit out of each other. And in theory, we can see why this may turn you on. Not so hard to moan loudly when there are others doing the same thing. Porn definitely has its perks. It can come in handy for thinking up new ideas (positions, scenarios, language) and it most certainly works well with masturbation. Instead of lying in bed with a piece of vibrating plastic trying to engage yourself in fantasy, porn allows you to instantly jump into a sexual scenario. I mean, why strain your brain? We highly recommend this type of usage. On the flip side, this may befoul soulful sex. We like to get dirty, but this is a bit too dirty for us and, not to mention, relatively lame. Now we aren’t necessarily ruling this out, but remember to keep your expectations realistic. It could help you crack open your hard sexual shell, but in the end, the sex in porn is so generic that it may hold you back instead of reeling you in. Lube Oh, ode to lube. Two words: easy and amazing. You people seriously need to stop discounting the benefits of lube. Why the battle? I mean, the ease with which this allows you to come and go makes for smoother, longer, sexier, more experimental, less sore, all around MUCH BETTER sex. Okay, so it may be a bit uncomfortable to whip out for the first time, but trust us, it is totally worth the temporary discomfort. The Slip n’ Slide’s got nothing on this little toy in a bottle.
Dildos and Vibrators For the slightly more adventurous, adding masturbatory toys to the bedroom action can certainly spice up the game. The man gets to see what actually goes on when he’s not around (he may learn a thing or two) and the woman can get pleasured by both her vibrator and lover simultaneously. In general, all we’re seeing is win-win here. Although we do realize that it’s not for everyone, it really just makes perfect sense. Try it.
Erotic Reading Just like the book is usually better than the movie ... an erotic read is basically porn without the ugly dudes, plus it clearly has more potential for creative sensuality. When all you have is a detailed description of sexual acts and the physical characters are all in your imagination, you’re bound to get hot. Even if it’s only used for masturbation purposes, erotic reads should be on everyone’s bedside table. Like the lube, we can see how introducing this could be awkward (“honey, can we read about sex?”), so in order to avoid as much of that as possible, we suggest just whipping out the book and reading. Is your partner actually going to stop you?
Handcuffs If being at your partner’s mercy turns you on, then you should own a pair of handcuffs. If you think handcuffs are overplayed, too intense or they’re just not accessible, look around your room and improvise to keep things fresh and spontaneous (socks, scarves, etc.). As cliché as the whole handcuff thing really is, it can still be arousing, especially when combined with blindfolding. Tease, lick and tickle. Take advantage of the fact that their whole body is under your control. And then do a little role reversal.... Mirrors Since most people don’t usually line their bedroom walls with mirrors, the use of a mirror as a way to stimulate and enhance sex is often overlooked. But trust us, this is where it’s at! The basic premise behind it is simple: watching yourselves get off is hot—really hot. And not having a lasting videotape or photo album for accidental perusal by an outsider is key. So GRAB THE MIRROR. And love it.
Food Basic, easy, a little messy, but fun every once in a while. You know the drill. Layer it on and lick it off. Yum.
Extreme Props (Swings, Poles, Etc.) Can you imagine? Who wouldn’t want to be swinging from the chandelier and bending in myriad ways? The way this works for you at home is you hook one of these swings to your ceiling, which thereby allows you and your partner to fuck upside down and inside out, all while swinging, your favorite childhood activity. Ahhhhh. If only we all had the time and money to invest in these toys, not to mention the extra floor space. Highly encouraged. Costumes and Role Playing Be your partner’s favorite kinky fantasy character. Whether they want a fireman, field hockey player, cheerleader, Catholic schoolgirl or doctor, be what they dream about. Again, like most of these props, it takes a little shell breaking to get comfy, but once you get past the dress-up anxiety, you soon realize that the great thing about costumes is that you’re not actually you anymore—you’re dirty Nurse Lola...
Piercings So many stories about tongue rings... In general, we find the talk to be true. Basically, piercings (and we’re basically talking tongue here) add an extra little touch to something that is already so damn good—not much room for harm here. But be warned ... the piercing can’t work alone. The metal isn’t magic, so don’t forget that the tongue is the main player here and the ring is merely an added bonus.
Location Even a change in venue can be used as a prop. Every sex life can benefit from a new locale. I mean, motel sex is just hot. But not every venue is equally pleasurable. The beach is romantic right? It also means sand, and sand in the vag means pain. Or, the jungle may make you feel like Tarzan and Jane, but the bugs might eat away at you instead of you ... So just think these things through, but quickly. Like most props, this is best utilized spontaneously. When done well, venue switching can make a world of difference. People just feel sexier in different places. Totally hot.
The writers of this column would like to remain anonymous, but they can be reached at m-abts@northwestern.edu, or 1-800-YOU-WISH.
| |
