by Sandra Keats

Colin Beazley had developed an extra skip in his step. As co-editor of this year’s Underground Armadillo, he had finally secured Chaser, the mysterious anti-hangover pill as the magazine’s number one advertiser. About half of this year’s issues would have a large insert in the middle with a free little red pill, possibly a couple. Everybody loves free pills, right? Wrong. The administration doesn’t. And so, with some pressure from the NU bigwigs, the MayFest co-chairs nixed the ad, causing them to lose their biggest advertiser and a hefty chunk of cash. They also nixed all articles containing any talk of drugs.

The Underground has always been an open stage to speak freely about sex, drugs, rock n’ roll and armadillo fetishes. Its uncensored nature (and the fact that it’s not the Daily) has long been as appealing a forum for free-spirited NU journalists as exists anywhere else on campus. But, for the first time in the 20 or so years of its existence (does anyone really know how long it’s been around?), the Underground was suddenly afflicted by the wrath of censorship.

Feeling quite vexed by the situation, Beazely immediately turned to the Student Guideline Handbook in search of a clause that would say censorship is illegal, since it is – or at least that’s what the U.S. Constitution says. But, to hell with First Amendment rights. Who needs them? Unfortunately, Beazely discovered that since the Underground is affiliated with MayFest, which receives funding from the University, the Underground is not an independent publication and therefore has no independent control whatsoever. That all belongs to Northwestern. (Just another example of the man keeping us down.)

Yes, NUcomment certainly reaps some of the benefits from this predicament, since we are the only independent publication on campus that discusses such horribly obscene subjects, and we did capture one of the Underground’s drug-related pariahs. Still, it’s disappointing to see a publication get censored. After so many years of freedom, why the oppression? Why now?

“I think [the administration’s] best way to reduce Dillo Day is to start with the Underground Armadillo,” Beazely said.

Is this the administration’s way of beginning a slow push to deprive NU of our Dillo? I was intent on finding out how our administration viewed Dillo Day. I wanted to see what they were hiding. And so my search for answers began ...


When approached with the topic, Mary Dessler, Assistant Vice President of Student Affairs laughed into the phone, “Oh, I don’t want to talk about Dillo Day?” Ha, ha. Well I do.

“We need all campus events, but I don’t know if we need this one,” Dessler said. She stressed that this was only “Mary Dessler speaking for Mary Dessler.” She continued to say that it’s not the planned event that’s the problem, but more the pre-Dillo partying that is of concern to her. “Students don’t use good judgement,” she said. “Monday morning there are a lot of disciplinary reports that we need to deal with – it’s a lot of work for us and a big concern.” She emphasized that students need to be wary of the repercussions.

Lt. Glenn Turner of University Police has been “dealing” with Dillo Day for 10 years. “I think there is apprehension due to the drugs and drinking,” Turner said. “Dillo Day is a nice day for campus, but unfortunately it brings with it a bad element.”

Every year, both students and non-students are taken to Evanston hospital. “They’ll try something like a mushroom and feel weird. So, they’ll go to the hospital for help,” Turner said. “I don’t think the hospital has a favorable opinion of Dillo Day.”

Talking to Dessler and Turner seemed like a healthy start to my investigation, but from here I hit the proverbial wall. No one else would speak with me. I called Virginia Koch, Assistant Director of Residential Life; Kyle Pendleton, Director of Greek Affairs; Helen Wood, Associate Director of Campus Activities; and Bill Banis, Vice President of Student Affairs. I even went through Northwestern media relations to set up interviews, and still the administrators denied my requests for an interview. Come on now, is Dillo Day really that sensitive of a subject? What are we trying to hide? I smelled a controversy.

I pictured all the administrators stuffed in a small map room in Rebecca Crown, secretly devising a plan to phase out Dillo? A world without Dillo Day?

To some students, a Dillo-less NU actually wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“It’s just a Saturday,” said junior Rachel Miller. “Usually the bands aren’t even that great. It’s not that exciting. So I wouldn’t really care if there were no Dillo Day.”

“It wouldn’t bother me that much,” freshman Emily Kintzer added.

This anti-Dillo Day blather is proof of why our school is the exciting social Mecca it is today. These kids are obviously confused; at least that’s what senior Lindsay Warshaw would tell them, along with most others.

“EVERYDAY should be Dillo Day,” Warshaw said. And apparently, that’s exactly what it used to be.

“I don’t think I was ever really there for a Dillo Day,” a member of the Class of ‘81 told me. “Are you kidding me? Everyday was Dillo Day.” God I wish it were the 80s.

When you think about it logically, Dillo Day really isn’t that threatening. It’s sad enough that we are forced to mandate a day to have campus-wide fun. It’s just one day – one day that we can call our own. “I feel like it’s the only tradition we have right now,” sophomore Raina Patel said. “If we got rid of it, we wouldn’t have anything.”

They’ve already taken away our tailgates and drained all the alcohol from the pores of the frat quads, sending students into the wild streets of Evanston to seek intoxication. Can’t we just booze in peace on this holiest of days? Really, anything less would be fucking with tradition – one that dates back to May of ‘73, when Dillo started out as the “I Don’t Think We’re in Kansas Anymore” Festival and Fair. Since then, Dillo Day has seen it all, from hiding beer behind the stage and passing it out all day in 1975 to wet T-shirt contests in ’82 and Maceo Parker in ‘95.

“On one occasion there was a really cool inflatable Godzilla on the Lakefill, but drunks tried to climb it and ruined it,” said Economics Professor Mark Witte.

Hell, in 1975 the administrators were climbing into dunk tanks and letting students throw softballs at their heads. Now they refuse to even talk about said day.

“It’s really a bizarre day. But it makes sense,” said Cindy Gold, a theater professor in the School of Speech. “It’s so necessary with a school of so many overachievers. Sure, there are pockets of partiers, but normally I have to coerce some of my students to put down their books and make time for fun.”

Dillo provides us with a day where you feel guilty for studying, something that should happen more often. “It is the one day where no one is saying ‘I can’t today, I have a midterm tomorrow,’” said MayFest co-chair Stephanie Rich.

Aside from the Underground Armadillo, the only visible difference between previous Dillos and this year’s could be good weather (knocking the shit out of my wooden desk right now) and UP’s plan for stricter enforcement (a larger collection of cops – bike, uniformed and undercover). “People are going to do what they’re going to do,” he said. “Whatever they do in their dorm room, I don’t really care about since there is no way to control it.” His main concern is that people won’t cause problems around town. But, if you’re walking around with open containers and other paraphernalia, you will most likely receive a citation. Though Turner again admits, “there are certainly ways to get past.”

With that said, whether you take your chances with UP or act more discreet (I recommend the latter), whether it rains or shines, go all out this year. Take that extra bong rip (or 20), do one more kegstand, get naked, have lots of sex, do whatever you have to do for Dillo Day 2003. Because you never know ... it could be your last.

As you might be able to tell, Dillo Day is my favorite day of the year and I really don’t care if I’m biased. Tell me how you feel about Dillo: s-keats@northwestern.edu.