by Srikanth Reddy

After trudging the 1.5 blocks from Sherman Avenue to the Foster-Walker Complex, I have finally arrived. I take a long deep breath as I stare at the large glass doors before me. I try to prepare myself, checking my hair in the reflection of a nearby window. I’ve just showered in hopes of alleviating the smell of cigarette smoke that typically emanates from my pores (I lead a very stressful lifestyle). I am somewhat worried at this point, thinking to myself, “What are these people going to think of me?” I fear their comments, like, “Look at the second class ‘dirty boy.’”

President Kubilius approaches the door. He is different from the ultra-muscular, kick-my-ass-type person I envisioned, although I am still pretty sure he could put a serious hurting on me. He opens the door. I’m in. Welcome to the Northwestern University Healthy Living Unit.

My plan is to spend one day in the life of a Healthy Living Unit resident. A simple task for some, but extremely daunting for a Philly’s Best-eating, cigarette-smoking, excessive alcohol-consuming stranger to the treadmill.

What is this Healthy Living Unit, you might ask? Chances are you’ve never heard of such a thing. According to its website, “The Healthy Living Unit is a collaborative effort to promote health and safety within residential life by students, Health Education, University Residential Life, and University Housing … to live in a substance-free residence on campus.”

The unit itself is located on the first floor of the west wing of Foster-Walker. The hallway is only accessible from the building’s exterior to ensure that drunken outsiders won’t contaminate the premises. The uber-healthy contingent is composed of students who choose to live free of substances, which include the usual suspects of alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs, but in some cases, caffeine, meat, and preservatives are also thrown in the pot. We’re talkin’ life without cookies! Forget it, I’m out. Abort mission.

Over the past few years the HLU has seen a steady climb in numbers, currently housing about 25 undergrads. Like any Northwestern social group, each member pays quarterly social dues and there is an executive board with various membership delegations. “Healthy munchies” of carrots, celery sticks (hold the peanut butter) and tofu are a staple of the weekly agenda. Group workout sessions are highly encouraged. They tried to get me, but I couldn’t be coerced into joining the 20-minute squat thrust session at 9 a.m.

The average fraternity boy or sorority girl who works out at EAC a couple times a week has nothing on these kids. Compared to my workouts, HLU President Lake Kubilius’ weekly routine looks like an IronMan training schedule. On top of running and lifting daily, he’s also a devout Vegan and highly sleep conscious — he gets eight hours a night.

Sound like fun? You want in? Students must apply to join. Last year, over 100 students applied to “live healthy,” according to Kubilius. These students duked it out Gladiator-style to find the healthiest of mind and body; the 25 left standing became the health compound’s current residents.

“This place was pretty anti-social at first, but then you realize that people are much nicer and more interesting here,” Kubilius says. “It’s definitely not anti-social. Anybody can attend our events. Its not like we’re all eccentric Christians or anything like that either.” Although Kubilius’ comment quells some of my fears of becoming a healthy liver for the day, I still feel like a fish swimming upstream.

Yes, the original goal was to spend a full day at the HLU. I know you had your doubts from the start, and you were right. I quickly realize that running four miles or lifting weights for a few hours will most likely result in the first of many heart attacks. And hey, I need a cigarette. Plus, no cookies. No can do.

Clearly this is not the life for me, so what is the pull to live so damn healthily?

“We do not want to be sleeping in a place where these things (drinking, smoking, lunacy] happen,” says Kubilius. The HLU provides a safe haven for sleeping, he says.

Little do they know how amusing it can be to pass out in strange places, wake up disoriented and sick, and stumble into class after a sleepless night.

But to each his own — and the token HLU resident’s is quite different than mine. Here’s how we matched up:

Healthy living certainly has its benefits. Imagine a world without hangovers, short-term memory loss, or coughing up a lung after walking up a few flights of stairs (or just one stair). Then again, there is something to be said for living like an asshole for a few years. And I only have one last month to do it. So with that said, I’m going to sell on the tofu and buy the beer.

Srikanth just couldn’t eat salad all day. Tell him how disappointed you are in his failure to be healthy for 24 hours: s-reddy5@northwestern.edu.