By Erica Schlaikjer

On a recent trip back to NU after visiting my boyfriend, Craig, at the University of Michigan, I found myself giving dirty looks to the other couples kissing and cuddling at the Amtrak station. Something about these unfamiliar people seemed all-too familiar: we were all in long-distance relationships.

I could tell from the goodbyes; a mood of not wanting to let go that made the hugs last a little bit longer than usual, an overall vibe of wishing the train would never come to take us away. It was so desperate, so cliché, so disgustingly cute.

As the train pulled out of the station, I felt the physical distance between Craig and I spread. I was left with another two, three, four weeks until I could see my boyfriend again, until we could feel like a “regular” couple: watching TV side-by-side, holding hands on the way to a nice dinner and, you know, spooning at the end of the night.

I’ve been with Craig for 18 months and only about six of those have been spent in the same town together. Yes, I’m one of those fools-in-love that believes it’s actually worth the grueling effort to maintain a long-distance relationship. Others say the physical distance or lack of sexual satisfaction make out-of-town relationships pointless.

NUcomment.com set out to get the low-down on long-distance from the experts.

Dr. Wei-Jen Huang, outreach director at Counseling and Psychological Services, is known to many NU students as simply “Dr. Love.”

“Long-distance relationships certainly add more stress,” the love doctor said.

You can say that again. The little things really piss you off. There’s no one to hold your hand or kiss you between classes. No date to bring to a party. No one to give you a back massage after a hard day. All you get are some impersonal AIM conversations, e-mails, phone calls before bed, and the occasional weekend visit. Don’t even mention the jealousy, anxiety, fear, mistrust and sexual frustration that all come along with the loneliness.

But, some NU couples swear by the advantages.

Long-distance couple #1: Kirsten and Seamus.

Kirsten, an Education freshmen, has been with Seamus for a little over a year. She’s at NU, he’s at James Madison University, a 15-hour car ride away in Virginia. They’ve learned to appreciate having their own college experiences, she said.

“If we were together, we could still do it, but it would be a little harder.”

One perk of being in a long-distance relationship is being able to look forward to something. Kirsten won’t see Seamus until Christmas, but she said, “It makes us appreciate each other more. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder.”

Couple #2: Colby and Alixa.

Colby, another NU freshman, said he finds the same thrill in pleasure-delaying.

“It’s that much better when you see her,” he said. “The sweet is sweeter with the bitter.”

Plus, he likes the fact that he can sometimes shut out Alixa, harsh as it sounds.

“There’s less opportunity to be possessive when you’re long-distance,” he said.

So, the sex is more intense when you wait a few weeks between visits. And you get to feel more independent while also being committed to someone. Other than these givens, what the hell is the point?

Are Kirsten, Colby, and I just naïve first-year college students too blind to see that we’re wasting away our horny college years on someone who lives too far away? We’re young, aren’t we supposed to screw around and taste all the flavors? What’s wrong with a little promiscuity? A little random hooking up?

“People get into relationships to create meaningful connections, to develop a sense of intimacy,” Dr. Love said.

Fair enough, but why not find someone closer to home?

The prevailing attitude about long-distance relationships is generally negative. People think of the risk of cheating, lying, temptation and guilt. They say all these feelings are mitigated when you have someone nearby to deliver immediate gratification.

“Long-distance relationships don’t work,” said Radu Postelnicu, a Weinberg junior. “You don’t see the person every day. You live life differently. Unless it’s a strong love you feel, it won’t work out.”

The long-distancers agreed.

“If you’re not in love,” Kirsten said, “it’s a lot of work for not very much. Try it out. It will become apparent if it’s not meant to be.”

Couples who have dependency needs, or who aren’t mature enough to handle the increased stress, may need to reconsider jumping into long-distance relationships.

“Maturity is important,” Dr. Love said. “For example, you may feel lonely. You’ll need comfort. But it’s not available.”

Dr. Love said that too often people view relationships as “one-half plus one-half equals one,” which implies that people have to “complete” each other to feel whole. He suggested that couples start modeling their relationships based on this equation: “one times one equals one.”

“Only when you are able to be a happy single, you can be in a happy (relationship),” he said.

Kirsten said she remains positive about what lies ahead for her and Seamus.

“You just think to yourself, ‘Why would I ever let this person go?’” she said. “I’m not scared of breaking up. We just have to get through the college time and hope we have good experiences apart.”

Sure, near-distance relationships are more convenient. You can save money that would otherwise be spent on train fares, gas money and phone cards, and sex is always just a text message away.

But there’s not enough money, time or sex in the world you could give me in exchange for the feeling I get when I see Craig for the first time in weeks.

If you have someone who’s worth holding on to, don’t let something silly like distance get in the way. Take a risk, be unreasonable and see just how far your love can travel.

Erica Schlaikjer, who has been looking forward to winter break since that trip to Ann Arbor, can be contacted at e-schlaikjer@northwestern.edu