By Sarah Eberle

Because men think about sex as often as they blink, you'd assume that pleasuring them would be easy. And it is.

But not all sex acts were created equally. Ask around, and some men will say they prefer blow jobs, some will say only anal gets them off, and still others want straight sex. Even the sex guys have a whole arsenal of kama sutra positions tucked away that they fantasize about trying with their partners.

To help a man maximize his pleasure, his partner needs to know what he likes and how he likes it. They also need to know the best way to perform these favored acts because there are lots of ways to screw them up, no pun intended.

So here it is, my brief how-to guide of the best (and worst) ways to pleasure a man:

Lesson 1: Every man loves oral sex.

A blow job is always well received and is pretty much a guaranteed way to bring him full-throttle pleasure. Whether it's a quick hardening-and-moistening to get him ready for sex or a hummer to completion, guys love it.

While most any blow job feels good, there are some tricks a woman can use to make it a mind-blowing experience.

- A man wants someone who is enthusiastic and eager to give him head. Even if she detests it, she should act like she would consume his entire penis if it were humanly possibly.

- Get familiar with his whole penis -- from head to balls. Contrary to popular belief, men do think with their heads, just not the ones on top of their necks.

- Sure, men want you to deep throat it, but, ladies, the zenith of his penis pleasure is right underneath the head. I keep reading in Cosmo to lick it like a lolly pop, and though that might forever ruin your enjoyment of Tootsie Pops, it actually works.

- Make eye contact with him.

- If his dick is too long to fit in your mouth, put your hand at the base of his penis and slide your mouth and hand up and down his penis in unison.

- If you need a little break, by all means take one. But don't dilly dally for too long or you will undo all of the work you just put in.

- Once you've got the basic move down, you can add the option of using your other hand to gently massage his balls (Think "Old School").

- But be cautious and gentle when handling his boys because they are extremely sensitive and the added pleasure can quickly turn to added pain.

- Swallow. But only if you're up for it.

- Lastly, a woman shouldn't be offended if a man holds her head during head and helps her establish a rhythm. It's not that you're doing a bad job, but if you're out to pleasure him he's the one to show you how.

Now if showing men rhythm was only that easy...

Lesson 2: Ears get erections, too.

The obvious way to pleasure a man is to play with the man downstairs. But many people are unaware that teasing his ear with your tongue is also a great way to entice him.

The ears are the only other part of the male body that act like the penis. Blood rushes to them, and they become red and inflamed when they are aroused.

A woman can lick in and around his earlobe and let her hot breath turn him on. If you like to talk dirty, now's the perfect time. Just be careful not to get too slobbery or too loud.

Lesson 3: Move way past missionary.

Here are some things to keep in mind to create an outrageous sex session that will leave your man craving more of you and your touch.

- Don't just lie there and do nothing. Participate. If your goal is to show him a good time, you need to act like you're enthusiastic about it. A man not only enjoys the physical pleasure, his ego depends on his ability to satisfy his partner. Acting like you're really into sex boosts his self-confidence, because he thinks he's satisfying your needs as well as his own. And here's an insider's tip: if you overact, more often than not you'll end up convincing yourself.

- Show your excitement by saying his name, moaning and groaning. If you're on the bottom, thrust your hips up and down. If you're on top, ride him hard, like your life depends on it.

- Be aggressive. You don't have to be an Amazonian and toss him around the room, but show him that turning him on is a top priority, meaning you'll do anything and everything to make it happen. Don't be afraid to take charge and manhandle his dick.

- It's OK to act like a porn star sometimes. Be erotic and allow yourself to feel sexy. Your sexual confidence will help stimulate him and his mood. Girls, don't worry, whether or not you have love handles is the last thing a guy is thinking about in bed. If you're both naked, all he wants is to get a handle on you. So let yourself go.

- Ask him what he wants, and give it to him. If you make him feel like you want to satisfy his desires more than you want anything else in the whole world, even more than a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes, good things will come in return. He'll be so turned on by your attitude that he'll respond by giving you sex you'll fantasize about weeks later.

- Leave the lights on once in a while. Guys like to watch the action.

- Go easy on the dry humping. While the rubbing feels good for girls because it stimulates our clitoris, it can turn a guy off, thanks to the chafing effect. During intense rubbing, his dick might slip out of the hole in his boxers and rub against his zipper. Think of a cheese grater. Ouch. Be aware of how hard you're pushing against him, and watch his face for signs of pain.

Lesson 4: We'll always be second-tier at hand jobs.

Listen carefully. For those of you who might not feel like having sex but still want to get your guy off, don't give him a hand job.

When I asked a lot of men, "What's the worst thing a woman can do to get you to climax?" the No. 1 answer was "a hand job."

"It's like riding in the passenger's seat of your own car," says Speech senior Eric Svendsen. "It's a real slap in the face."

A man always wants to be in the driver's seat of his own car. The same goes with his penis.

Here's the logic: Men think they're better drivers than women. Men also think they're better at jerking themselves off than we are. At least one of those makes sense. The point is, men find it hard to really enjoy themselves when they know they could be doing a better job than you. So hand jobs are out.

Some shy guys will go along with the hand job for a little while, and he may even try giving the girl directions. But no matter how men tell us to drive their car or when and where we should turn, eventually they just get annoyed and give up.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying jumping straight to the blow job is the right call in all situations. After all, the hand job is a fine option for women who are looking to score a triple instead of a home run. And it's an acceptable way to pleasure a man without having to go down on him or have intercourse. Besides, playing with each other's genitalia is a natural part of the hookup progression.

If ever in doubt, just ask. Tell him that you read somewhere that men don't like hand jobs. Ask if he'd rather finish himself off while you stimulate him in another way.

If he says he's loving your touch, carry on until he busts his load. If he wants to drive, let him masturbate while you play with his ears and touch him all over his body.

Hand jobs do work, and you can definitely get a guy off by giving one. I've learned, however, that they're most pleasing when they're just a brief stop on the way to home plate.

Sarah Eberle, who can climb into our driver's seat any day, can be contacted at s-eberle@northwestern.edu.