| Somewhere between a decadent orgy and pre-school naptime is Cuddle Party, the newest craze for touch-deprived individuals looking for a way to get some sex-free lovin’. Created by Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, Cuddle Party is an opportunity for social interaction without judgment, rejection without harm, and freedom without recklessness. Most importantly, Cuddle Party is a way for people to understand that touch doesn’t always have to lead to sex, co-creator Reid said. Touch – if used respectfully – can open people up to honest and direct communication, intimacy, affection and physical and emotional health. “People want to literally and figuratively reach out and touch each other and connect,” Reid said. “People have been having to re-learn that touch doesn’t have to be confined to romantic relationships.” The 36-year-old sex educator and relationship coach came up with the idea to host cuddle parties after creating “massage parties” for his posse of massage therapists, yoga practitioners, nurses and other professionals in the “healing arts community,” who often don’t schedule enough time for themselves to receive. But some of Reid’s friends were intimidated by giving massages. They were looking for something more casual and less specialized. In February of 2004, Reid took his touchy feely idea to a new level. “Come to my house next weekend and we’ll cuddle,” Reid told his friends.” We’ll have a Cuddle Party.” *** “It took about seven months to get people to realize it wasn’t an orgy,” Reid said. “At first it was like, ‘Look at this crazy idea that these New Yorkers came up with.’ But this is a lot deeper than just a crazy idea.” Within three weeks of the first party, there were requests for a second one. By the fourth week, Reid and his business partner and friend Marcia created a website. In less than a year, official cuddle parties have cropped up across the country, in New York City, Los Angeles, Philadelphia and Columbus, Ohio. “Cuddle Party is opening up a little space, and it’s like a vacuum,” Reid said. “Just sucking up all this attention.” If you Google “cuddle party,” you’ll get more than 160,000 hits. The trend has been featured in TimeOut New York, GQ Magazine, FHM, ABC News, The New York Daily News and The London Sunday Times. There are plans to go worldwide. “It’s not just Americans that don’t touch,” Reid said. CuddleParty.com has been receiving emails and phone calls from people all around the world. The event will soon be available in Dutch after Reid and Marcia train their new facilitators from Amsterdam. Once they are certified, they’ll be “licensed to spoon.” *** Three-hour long snuggle sessions are definitely not free-for-alls. Strict guidelines and boundaries are integral to the Cuddle Party philosophy. An 45-minute introductory “Welcome Circle” sets the rules: no sex, no dry humping, always ask for permission, pajamas must stay on at all times, maintain good personal hygiene, clean up after yourself, COMMUNICATE. Crying and giggling are encouraged. Kissing is allowed, as long as you get permission. And the occasional male erection should be viewed as completely normal; just think of it as “Mother Nature's way of giving us the thumbs-up sign,” the website suggests. The minimum age requirement is 18 to prevent “statutory cuddling,” Reid said. There’s no upper age limit, though. The oldest cuddler so far was 83. There are no cuddle parties in the Chicago-area, yet, but for $650 you can apply and train to host one as a “facilitator.” Most facilitators are therapists, social workers, workshop leaders, educators and other people in the healing industry. The idea is to make everyone feel safe. Out of the approximately 450 cuddlers who have attended parties so far, only about three people have been asked not to come back because some people are so “socially clumsy” that it detracts from the rest of the group’s experience, Reid said For the most part, people are quick to learn the social and communication skills needed to enjoy the cuddle experience. “It’s exciting and nervous to know that you can actually have touch in your life,” Reid said. *** “A party can change your life,” said 37-year-old Birgitte Philippides. “It’s a great way to meet someone because you meet them in their most natural state. It strips you down to essentially who you are.” The New York City artist heard about Cuddle Party from her friend Reid. “I asked him if I could wear my sexy lingerie and he said ‘no,’” Birgitte remembered. “It was very confronting. I kept thinking, ‘No one’s going to want to talk to me when I’m wearing ratty old pajamas.’ But it made me realize all the other wonderful things about me that people are attracted to.” Birgitte said she used to be the typical “Sex and the City” girl. Amazing wardrobe. Parties every weekend. “I was wondering why I didn’t have the relationship of my dreams,” she said. Two months ago, Birgitte finally met someone through Cuddle Party. “Cuddle parties allow people to find their blind spots, find what’s missing, create breakthroughs,” she said. “I used to walk around with emotional protective barriers, and I prevented myself from being intimate because I was afraid of getting hurt.” Cuddle Party taught her how to communicate and let her guard down. “My worst nightmare was to go to a party and be groped by strange men,” she said. “But at cuddle parties, you have the choice. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I ask for everything that I want and need,” she continued. “I don’t let rejection mean anything.” Birgitte said she goes to cuddle parties twice a week, sometimes just to relax. For singles, it’s a great way to meet someone. For others, it can be a fun way to socialize and work on personal issues. “Everyone from lawyers to massage therapists to garbage workers to artists show up,” she said. “When people get an abundance of touch, it can really change their lives and make them much happier than they used to be.
Reach out and touch Erica: e-schlaikjer@northwestern.edu
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