| | The sexual trajectory of most high school relationships can be easily summed up in the coming of age classic “Clueless.” College relationships also follow the rules outlined by the famous Beverly Hills teens. Tai, like, totally freaks when Dionne informs her that only “technically, yes,” is she still a virgin, adding, “You know what I mean.”
Yes Dionne, we know what you mean.
You mean that you and Murray fool around sans clothing and partake in oral sex, but avoid any sort of penetration because you just aren’t ready for what is supposedly the freaky pinnacle of physical and emotional intimacy: sexual intercourse. When you finally “do it,” the entire high school finds out and, if you stay together, you become a local icon of teen sexuality. If you break up shortly thereafter, it logically follows that, as the girl, you’re the pathetic slut who got played and, as the guy, you’re the master mindfucker who popped a girl’s cherry and swiped her v-card—- well done you!
If you come to college already having lost your virginity, you’re conditioned to believe the same trajectory applies to any and all hook-ups and potential relationships—blow jobs before banging, giving head before giving it up, going down before going “all the way”, whatever. Many girls of the suck-before-you-screw school of thought are so heavily indoctrinated that they believe it’s unnatural and taboo to have sexual intercourse with a guy before putting his penis in their mouth. Guys, in contrast, enthusiastically express their disgust for cunnilingus, box munching, and the like. Junior Alex Glaser wrote over e-mail, “Chix (chicks) vages (vaginas) are gross, and no guy should ever have to expose himself to something that smells like week old tuna.”
And what about male semen, Alex? “My cum tastes like pate, so no chick should care about eating it.”
While I don’t believe all vaginas smell like “week old tuna”, I don’t blame guys for complaining about the slightly vulgar aspects of oral sex either. I blame girls for not complaining. How is taking a shot of semen to the throat any less gross then lapping up the juice of the punani?
Even so, junior Jonathan Greer believes, “Oral sex is a practical warm-up phase. To be cliché, you must lick it before you kick it. Either way, nothing beats hanging out while your partner goes to work on your package.”
Oral sex might be a “practical warm-up phase” from the guy perspective, that is until they’re faced with the prospect of reciprocating or, God-forbid, initiating the giving-of-the-head.
Some guys believe that licking a weenie can actually be empowering for girls. Junior Daniel Magliocco stated, “If you’re a girl, and you get penetrated, you’re more vulnerable. If you’re giving head, you’re the one in control.” Perhaps, but this alleged control often involves kneeling in front of an erect penis as though it were a deity. No thanks.
Sexual intercourse levels the playing field; because both partners are engaged in the same act at the same time, the instance of feeling grossed out, degraded or unsatisfied after the fact decreases significantly. Weinberg junior Dorothy Greenwald stated, “In certain circumstances, oral sex can be more intimate than sex itself, although as a general rule, neither are a good idea when you’re blacked out.” Touche, Dorothy.
Oral sex—experienced sober or blacked out—completely exposes both initiator and receiver and detracts from the erotic and alluring qualities of sex itself and the feeling of togetherness it brings.
I’m not saying you should thrust your pelvis at your partner before the two of you have even swapped saliva. I am saying it’s ridiculous to feel pressured to employ oral sex as a means to sexual intercourse.
Yet, Girls often don’t enjoy oral sex because it usually isn’t done right.
Most guys brave enough to venture into the bush or onto the landing strip don’t even know what to do when they get there. Junior Matt Rosenthal, in a personal interview, stated, “eating a girl out is like riding a bike: After you learn the basics, it is only a matter of time before you try something stupid and injure yourself and those around you.”
While giving blow jobs is significantly more straightforward then performing the art of cunnilingus, can anyone honestly say that, during a first time oral-sex experience with a new partner, they would feel comfortable saying to said partner, “not so hard,” “that’s not my clit,” “don’t use your teeth,” or “can you deep-throat?”
I don’t think so.
The more comfortable you are with your hook-up, significant other, or flavor-of-the-month, the better oral-sex with that person will be, on both ends.
When asked about a hot oral sex experience, many guys cite being woken up with a blowjob. You have to be considerably at ease with your guy to give him a sober blowjob in broad daylight. Sexual intercourse helps to foster this kind of ease, so that when you do get to the point of oral sex, you don’t feel degraded, pressured, or grossed-out. You’re comfortable enough to actually want to get your partner off without needing anything in return.
Clueless’s Cher said, “Tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people.”
Maybe so. But do yourself a favor: Engage in mutual pleasure before you let your partner put their genitals in your face. You’ll both be content and hotter and better oral sex will result from your having had intercourse first.
I’m outtie.
Pathetic slut or master mindfucker? Our hot sex writer, like, totally wants to hear how you feel about all things sexy. Write her at a-sinderbrand@northwestern.edu
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