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We all know Northwestern isn't known for social scene... or its dating scene... and definitely not its sex scene. But S&M? Fuggetaboutit. So, I thought I'd take you through a mini-history of the freaky-deaky sexual world of the sadists and masochists to give you a bit of education about what S&M actually entails. We'll talk to some NU S&Mers (yes, I found some) and get into the medical side of why pain is hot. You might be surprised to find out you might just be a bit of a sexual deviant yourself.
Just to catch you up, sadism is sexual gratification via pain infliction upon another person. Masochism is when you want to be the one getting the pain. But there wasn't a name for the sexy-time roughness until one man in particular.
Leopold. Von. Sacher-Masoch. (Look familiar?)
He grew up in Ukraine, lived in the late 1800s, and wrote some crazy novels, his most famous being "Venus in Furs." The story was about this guy who was so infatuated with a girl, he wanted to be her slave (there's the masochism). But alas, the girl finds another guy she loves even more and she decides that she wants to be dominated (...and the sadism). Leopold was also into S&M in his real life - his favorite sexual activity was being beaten with a cat 'o nine tails that was studded with nails. Beat it real good.
But, Leo was on to something (or in to something, if you will) that turned out to be scientific. Pain causes the release of endorphins, the natural feel-good drug. Stressful and painful situations also cause the release of epinephrine and norepinephrine... basically they cause a rush. (A sexy rush at that.) So, scientifically speaking, sadomasochists are nothing more than naked marathon runners - they do it for the natural high.
Now, you may be saying to yourself, "This S&M shit is kinda weird. I don't really think I'd get off for hitting someone or if someone beat the crap out of me. It doesn't sound pleasant, and it could scare off potential mates." Au contraire, mon frere. Here's where you're wrong - S&M isn't all whips, chains and studded collars. It's not just being beaten, humiliated, bound and/or tortured. S&M includes low-end pain, like biting, spanking, tickling, and everything in between.
And guess what? Ten percent of the population has tried some type of sadomasochism. "I think being dominated is sexy," says Stephanie*, an NU senior. "I love being handcuffed. I'm a biter."
Northwestern junior Sara* loves "biting, hair pulling, general pulling and squeezing, spanking, and getting blindfolded and tied up." Sara also heads downtown to Exit, a bar that hosts Bondage Night on Thursdays, complete with a dominatrix that will whip you tied to chain fence for $25.
Most S&Mers consider themselves "switchers," meaning they can be the sadist or the masochist in any given bedroom situation. NU senior Stephen* does. "You could call me a switch. I don't think I fit well within with confines of either domination or submission. It all changes with my mood. Some days I leave bruises, some days I want my nipples bitten." While both Sara and Stephanie dabble in both sadism and masochism, both consider themselves more on the masochist side.
But what is it that gets our S&Mers off? Psychologically speaking, Roy Baumeister, Ph.D, a social psychologist at Florida State, says, "The satisfaction gained from S&M is something far more than sex. It can be a total emotional release."
For Stephen, the emotional release comes in the form of pain. "I hurt and I want to be hurt," he says. "Pain is primal, it's a part of life. Simply another experience."
Sara likes the bond between partners that arises while being tied up or venturing into other S&M territory. "It's about control, trust, and exploring territory that you would not otherwise venture during your regular routine."
Stephanie finds it to simply be a turn-on. It's hot and she doesn't know why. "I think it's fun," she says.
So now that you know a little more about the life and times of sadomasochists, you may be surprised to know you don't have to be tied up and electrocuted while trying to remember your safe word. S&M is as simple as that hickey you left on your last hookup buddys neck. But, limits are also important in S&M. "Consent. You need it. This isn't a frat party," says Stephen. Stephanie chimes in, "Sometimes you have to draw the line if it gets too creepy."
Here's what we've learned today:
1. S&M ranges from biting and hair pulling to cat o'nine tails studded with nails.
2. It's medical - endorphins get you hot. You're not weird (well, at least sexually speaking).
3. Check with your partner before indulging in your fantasy.
Wanna try? Simply try nibbling your partner's lip or throwing in a bite or two while kissing his or her neck. Check the reaction and go from there. Who knows? You may be busting out the whips and chains sooner than you think.
*Names have been changed to protect the horny (since they're not really that innocent)
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